What is tooday

If I had to be honest one thing I do is live inside my head a lot.  Most times I am off dreaming and believing in something grand and adventurous within my mind.  I am differently not grounded in reality most of the time.  I can apparently focus when I am with someone or talking to someone, but I do believe in something more significant most time.  I have already written my post about being stuck, but I definitely feel as though I want to change some things about my current situation.  I tend to watch many different videos regarding different motivational factors including the why do we fall video on youtube and I cry all the time because I like the rocky speech.  I know that I am worth a lot more than what I am currently presenting and it fucking sucks it terrible.  I do believe my dreams are placing me in a situation I can not escape that is filled with disappointment and frustration.  I can say that cha...

The part of Joshua is that I'm twenty percent present.  The harder I like something now the more I live in the past.  I can not move forward sometimes because of this immobilizing history and the weight physically and mentally is placed on me.  When you always recollect times your regrets in life, you walk around with an influence on your body, and no matter how you look on the outside the worse you feel on the inside.  It's like playing a scratched cd you are always in a loop in your head.  No matter how far I progress, I am still that past Josh as well as the present version of my self.  This is incredibly hypocritical of me and very insane.  Insanity is repeating the same things and expecting different results.  I keep living n the past but it damn sure does not help my present self at all.  I feel that until I let go I will never be able to take the risk because in the past it hurt.  Be ready to learn all I can because in the past I ...