What is tooday

I thought that things would magically fall into place at a certain point in my life, but it did not.  I don't know where this illusion came from, but I do know that it can't continue. What people like myself tend to overestimate is the quality of people and what they can and can't do.  I place my faith in people so much not causes me confused and angry and self-hatred.  You can only take the blame for everything for so long before it drives you crazy.  I feel like I always made excuses for other people because I thought that what I was a person that I was helping the people in my life but all you do is end up hurting them instead. The people in our lives need that check just like you do.  Pretending something is your fault or creating excuses causes them to repeat behaviors because they believe it is acceptable to you.  The key to anything to stand up for something.  I know that bridges are going to burn, but I learned those connections were never c...

The best things we can do is get out of own way.  I do this shit all the time I start freaking out, and then I self-sabotage every time.  Then the cycle continues creating bad habits in its wake.  I promise myself to stop this next year for real I'm tired of making the same mistakes and thinking it will be different. I'm done with this bull shit man I am going to change everything.  I can't keep this self-mutilation of bad habits continue.  I feel the importance of mistakes is actually to learn from them.  I mean come on Josh I see people around doing the same thing you get comfortable and lose focus on what's important than progress stops.  Always be moving somewhere don't waste time with dumb things that don't help advance and refocus yourself on real.  This life thing is still so crazy. 

When I first came back to this house, I did this n9t by my choice per se but by the decision of someone else which is not the best way to go about decisions all the time.  The more significant decisions that impact you should be thought about on a personal level they have to be.  No matter what happens in the grand scheme of things to everything around you decide for yourself.  If you do not choose for yourself when you feel a loss of control, and you think a lack of power on your decisions. You feel like you have no will to continue if you don't make it your choice.  Do what you have to do to make it your power. The worst thing to do is live someones else life, and then you lose who you are as a person.  I feel you are not the person who you want to be.  I say screw everyone else decisions and live on your own and make those mistakes and be proud of them.  Nothing wrong about asking for advice but don't forget it's your choice your power. Everyone ...

The doubt here is not an entertainment industry problem but a human problem.  The crazy thing is we actually know that we can do something great and have the ability to achieve something great but the doubt comes in our heads.  I know that is definitely true for me as well because when things and situations in our lives are going great, it never seems to matter what happens but when things suck we let the doubt come in.  That is indeed amazing that the thinking in our mind only have a negative impact on us when we are at our weakest.  It is almost a flood of ideas and concepts all come together in our heads.  I have happy thoughts and boom more happy thoughts, but let a negative one sneak in, and that’s all she wrote from the comfortable thinking I was having.  The problem with this is that when we are already doing it hits us that much harder.  The point of this comes back to the superheroes movies, where the hero has a little doubt and the floodgate...

 The importance of showing that emotion has grown more important to me.  I get saddened by the news so much I got to the point that I just say “figures” when I hear something wrong.  I know that it does not figure, but I feel as though it is a defense mechanism for the scanning and suffering that people go through.  The worst aspects of people get displayed every day, yes, but I can not ever forget the good qualities of people as well.  The best conditions of people come from the tv as well. Why do some people stand out while others don’t?  I was always amazed at that principle that some people are willing to die to become something, while others are not.  We almost celebrate people whom are free and do not follow the same rules that everyone else has to follow.  We place them on this pedestal, and we call them better than us because we are stuck in our ways, and we can not change because we have to follow the rules.  I am one of those supp...

Today is full of opportunity and hope from a guy that does not have the choice to have any say or any real guidance for what I am doing. The most significant failures of my life I associate closely with the simple fact that I am to blame for everything.  I am scared of many different things for change to driving to deep sea to heights all types of stuff, and that fear of the unknown creates panic within me, and I can not live a peaceful life it actually becomes one full of anxiety and discomfort be within myself as a person. Maybe no one relates to this but I can honestly say its like waking up with a weight on your shoulders every day, and it creates a lot of stress and constant panic.  It would be more comfortable away from all of this, and we would all be pleased.  I feel pressure not to fail always and that I am not doing enough which in turn makes me feel overwhelmed and actually causes me to do nothing and freeze up when the world is pouring...