I live in the past most days

The part of Joshua is that I'm twenty percent present.  The harder I like something now the more I live in the past.  I can not move forward sometimes because of this immobilizing history and the weight physically and mentally is placed on me.  When you always recollect times your regrets in life, you walk around with an influence on your body, and no matter how you look on the outside the worse you feel on the inside.  It's like playing a scratched cd you are always in a loop in your head.  No matter how far I progress, I am still that past Josh as well as the present version of my self.  This is incredibly hypocritical of me and very insane.  Insanity is repeating the same things and expecting different results.  I keep living n the past but it damn sure does not help my present self at all.  I feel that until I let go I will never be able to take the risk because in the past it hurt.  Be ready to learn all I can because in the past I felt dumb.  Be prepared to change who I am because in the past I felt the inability to reach out.  I will never get into healthy relationships because of the history.  I will never become rich because of the past.  I want to stop this pain that I feel on me it is so annoying I want to yell sometimes.  I know I should do it very soon.

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