Where does it begin

I thought that things would magically fall into place at a certain point in my life, but it did not.  I don't know where this illusion came from, but I do know that it can't continue. What people like myself tend to overestimate is the quality of people and what they can and can't do.  I place my faith in people so much not causes me confused and angry and self-hatred.  You can only take the blame for everything for so long before it drives you crazy.  I feel like I always made excuses for other people because I thought that what I was a person that I was helping the people in my life but all you do is end up hurting them instead. The people in our lives need that check just like you do.  Pretending something is your fault or creating excuses causes them to repeat behaviors because they believe it is acceptable to you.  The key to anything to stand up for something.  I know that bridges are going to burn, but I learned those connections were never compelling in the first place.  Our Minds create excuses to protect us to a state of comfort and ease, but you have to fight your self to grow as a person and see the world as it is.  The agonizing pain that surrounds us is the one that is required trust me.  You have to suffer in this life to make sure you grow, and I mean real torture and agony the stuff you see in movies.  The what am I going to do suffering tomorrow.  That helps remove that programming and make you anew is that pain required for every one of course, not because some like myself suffer every day, so we know the pain but we also have to have strength to climb out of the muck and mud and bullshit and pit and pure vomit inducing struggle to reach what we can get.  It is so easy to lose hope within this constant cycle of pain and misery, but when the period finally ends, we have changed.