WHy the hell

Today is full of opportunity and hope from a guy that does not have the choice to have any say or any real guidance for what I am doing. The most significant failures of my life I associate closely with the simple fact that I am to blame for everything.  I am scared of many different things for change to driving to deep sea to heights all types of stuff, and that fear of the unknown creates panic within me, and I can not live a peaceful life it actually becomes one full of anxiety and discomfort be within myself as a person. Maybe no one relates to this but I can honestly say its like waking up with a weight on your shoulders every day, and it creates a lot of stress and constant panic.  It would be more comfortable away from all of this, and we would all be pleased.  I feel pressure not to fail always and that I am not doing enough which in turn makes me feel overwhelmed and actually causes me to do nothing and freeze up when the world is pouring down onto me. I know all this bullshit is my fault sure, but it does not make it any easier to overcome. Sometimes you cant just tackle one thing at a time when they come in waves it creates almost a flood or a tsunami that makes you feel like you are drowning with no floatation device to save you. When this happens, you can only hope there is someone around you before its too late. Man, every time I try to lift my head up I  keep getting pushed down by the different things in my life ... day 1.  

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